I am a professional liar who cannot be trusted. I am a feminist. I am friendly, mostly. I like to read stuff. I write things and sometimes they get published. Find a complete list of my publications at www.briannekohl.com.
I was chosen based on the reactions my story “Burn, Baby Burn” received when it was released in Issue 74 last month. Thanks to everyone that read it and spoke out in their comments and Facebook page. If you haven’t read my story, please take a moment to head over to their site! You can read my story and their interview where I sound brilliant, self assured and amazingly attractive. Yep.
I have really gotten some of the loveliest rejections. Since I began submitting my work for publication, I’ve only gotten one rejection that felt unnecessarily rude. And, really, that was early on and if I went back and read it today, I’d probably realize that it wasn’t as mean as I thought. Early on, I was, perhaps, a little sensitive. Over 50 rejections later, I am a little tougher. I’m not a crocodile but I’m not a new born kitten, either. I guess I’m more like a sea horse? (In that I’ve learned to use my fancy tail to hook onto debris so I don’t get swept away by the current. Also, because I like to eat a lot.)
Pictured: Me. Vacationing on the coast
I’ve gotten loads of form rejections. The kind that tells you no in as few words as possible. They generally wish you well. They salute you in an absentminded way. You know what it is without even reading the words – the format tells you no and prepares your brain for the let down. I don’t mind the form rejection. It is clear and it closes the door with a strong snick of the lock. I walk away from the form rejection with a shrug and a “what can you do?” attitude.
The form rejection is a Jacques Tati pratfall – it will make you a little uncomfortable, it might hurt your ass a little but you can laugh it off. You want others to laugh it off with you. I mean, what were the odds of getting into The New Yorker anyway?
Not good, apparently
But, just recently, there has been a very specific trend of rejections floating my way: The “I love your writing but this doesn’t work for our next issue” rejection. The “you made it to the final round of deliberations but we’ve decided to go another way” rejection. The “you were a finalist but we had so many worthy submissions to choose from” rejection.
The “close but no cigar, sucka” rejection.
These are the ones that hurt the most because they hint at an opportunity lost without my knowledge or participation. The format of the note is chatty which the brain interprets as an acceptance. But, the words: the almost lover, the guy that liked you but liked your sister better. Those words might let you down gradually but they still let you down. They say, “Hey, you are good. But, just…you know…not good enough.”
Those are the ones that break the heart a little. I went back in, I’ll think. I went back in and changed that one sentence and that is probably why. I got a little heavy handed with the sea horse metaphor. But, I don’t love the sea horse! I can lose the sea horse! I’ll kill that God damn sea horse with my bare hands! It doesn’t work for your current issue? What about the next one? Or, the one after that? I bet I’d be great for the 10th issue from now!
Almost lover, why do you make me act like such a desperate tramp?
But, no, the near-miss is still a hit. The fall is less prat and more old lady with a broken hip. And, really, the end result is the same. It had nothing to do with that one sentence or that stupid over-used sea horse metaphor. It maybe had nothing to do with my writing at all.
So I nurse my aches and take my pratfalls. I smile at the fourth wall and I wait for the windfall that surely comes from persistence in the face of failure. It might not be a step up, but it is, at the very least, stepping across to a different ladder. And, if you are looking the right way, all ladders lead up, right?
Pictured: Me. Almost on my ass. Vacationing on the coast.
Note: I mentioned this once before, but it really is worth repeating: My story will be published in their online journal but it is now eligible for inclusion in one of their print publications. They take into account feedback left on their website and social media sites. So, if you like my story, please tell them. I would love the opportunity to reach a wider audience and for my story to be published in one of their esteemed anthologies.
I have a new story coming out this week at Crack the Spine Literary Magazine. It is a dark tale called Burn Baby, Burn. It was inspired, partly, by the novel We Have Always Lived In the Castle by Shirley Jackson – who, in my opinion had a way of writing Gothic Claustrophobia like no one else.
I will be published in Issue 74 and I could not be more delighted that Burn Baby found such a perfect home. Please look for it later this week. In the meantime, check out their “Meet the Contributors” section for more information.
An important note about Crack the Spine – my story will be published in their online journal but it is now eligible for inclusion in one of their print publications. They take into account feedback left on their website and social media sites. So, if you like my story, please tell them. I would love the opportunity to reach a wider audience and for my story to be published in one of their esteemed anthologies.
Last week, I had a crisis at work that diverted all my attention from creative pursuits. Needing a day job is an unfortunate reality for me. My fervent wish is that someday I won’t have to focus on technical writing but until that happens, the paying gig always has to take precedence. I really enjoy not living in a cave.
But even after things began to settle down a little, I realized I was trapped in a technical writing mind set. The fiction class I was in came to a close this week and we have a two week break before the next one starts up. Add into that mix IT issues and the eight rejections I’ve gotten in as many days and my inspiration and motivation levels have plummeted.
I was asked to participate in an interview with a fellow writer who wanted to pen an article on moving from fiction writing into technical writer. Her questions really made me think about the functionality of moving between two very different styles of writing.
Technical writing is forcibly succinct. No stage setting, no creativity and it tends to follow a very strict style guide. As a technical writer, you may or may not fully understand the subject matter at all times (which is why subject matter experts are essential). You need to know just enough to be dangerous.
Fiction writing is full of colorful word choice and syntax. No limit exists in the world of fiction. You can break all the rules and still be successful. There is something inherently satisfying about creating something with nothing but your own creativity.
Sitting in front of a computer and writing about technical things you don’t ever fully understand can be draining. It makes shifting gears over to fiction writing very difficult. So, I’m exploring ways to facilitate that shift.
Here is what I’ve come up with so far:
Go for a walk
Wherever you live, there has to be something beautiful to walk up to and admire. This is especially true for me because I happen to live in the middle of the boonies. We have deer living in our front yard. A hawk built her nest along our drive. I go visit the neighbor’s goats that live up the road. I really, really love goats. We live in a farming community so things are rustic and fresh and smell like grass. When I get really bogged down by work, I take a long walk. Art comes from beauty. Art, itself, is not always beautiful but the spirit that creates it is.
Discover something new
Recently, we drove up to Hanging Rock State Park and hiked the day away. We’d never been there before. I turned my cell phone off because my brain needed to recharge. I needed to live in the moment. We jumped in the car without planning anything – just started driving. It was the first sunny day in a long stretch of rain and it was like the lunatics were set loose from the hospital. It was a perfect day in the midst of a lot of stress. We got to the top and looked out for miles. On the way home, we stopped at a gas station that had two king sized candy bars for $2.22 and fountain soda. We ate 900 calories and laughed and sweated and told each other lies.
Try a mood altering substance
Ok, so if you have substance abuse problems, this won’t help you. We are all adults here – follow any advice I give you with care. But, if you are like me and you are wound super tight, you might need to relax. For instance, the other night, I had a glass (ok, ok, three. Jesus.) of wine and watched The Last Unicorn. While I did that, I wrote poetry.
Really bad poetry.
But, the point is, I was putting words together. My brain was loose. I was freestyling without fear of judgement. I came up with the following literary gems:
Something is breaking. Inside me, beside me.
I am on the cusp of something.
I dance alone, peeling potatoes, sweet potatoes
day after day, I can only be this.
and
Love is slowing you down,
You’ve turned inside out, a hung steeple
I picked you up on a doorstep
Every movement betrays you
(I don’t even know what some of that means. But, you know who does? Wine. Wine does.)
and (this one is my favorite)
I refuse to apologize
for the BLT I just ate
for following the bread crumbs
I was younger. I was younger once.
Wake up, she says to me. And, I chew on my pillow.
Mouth full of feathers.
Mouth full of sleep.
Seriously, some of those poems are literally taken straight from dialogue between Prince Lir and Amalthea (the unicorn’s name when she got magicked into a human by Schmendrick . If you haven’t watched or read it, you really should. That cartoon fueled my childhood). I’m not a poet by trade. Not even by desire. But, it does help me make word associations that I can use as inspiration or even to develop into unique sentence structure.
Not Weird.
Ask the gods for luck
You pick the god. Meditate, if that helps you. Spend time with your congregation. Go eat a boat load of Dim Sum and then rub the luck dragon on the way to the car. Whatever gets you there.
Luck Dragon gets me there
Read for pleasure, read for trade
Nothing gets me as excited about writing as reading does. If I read a shitty book, I think, “I could have written this! I can write better than this!” If I read a brilliant book, it makes me excited enough to try it myself. Holy shit, sometimes I just need to read. Because reading is important.
Books on writing can help jump start a creative brain. I’ve read a lot of them. Here are some of my favorites:
Take a mysterious picture and write your way into it
But, where do they lead!?
Revisit Past Glories
Most of my problems with inspiration stem from confidence issues. Writers are a delicate breed. We are both narcissists and suffer from an inferiority complex. We are children capturing lightening bugs in a bottle, pretending they are flashes of lightening. So, sometimes, I’ll go back and remember that one time I got two acceptances in two days. I’ll think about how amazing that made me feel. I’ll re-read something I’ve written that felt strong and good.
Here is a fact: if I did it once, I can do it twice.
And, if I can do it twice, I am capable of doing it a hundred times.
It took us three years to get married (after the engagement. Eight years total if we are being technical). Three years to get our footing, financially and professionally. Three years to find our little lot of land in Chatham County. Three years to save up the money to build our home.
Today is our three year anniversary of moving in so I can’t help but think today might be a lucky day.
Our house has become the epicenter of our world. In and around it, we’ve celebrated all of the special moments life gives us.
We’ve had the support of our families:
And, friends too:
We’ve mingled with the natives:
The tiniest, pinkest, most adorable gun-slingin’ natives this side of the Mississippi
We’ve found beautiful places:
And quietly creepy moments resting in the beauty:
Kill Shelter?
We’ve had some pretty special guests:
Some more special than others
We’ve watched the sunlight fighting its way free of the clouds:
Because it rains every day here
And, a blue moon rising:
The day Neil Armstrong died
Weird things have happened:
Like the time I got trapped in the car wash
And, we’ve done foolishly fun things:
Tell me you love that sash!
We’ve run around a little:
Back (with donuts) from the Krispy Kreme Challenge 2013
And, watched it snow:
We’ve relaxed by the fire:
Gone for long walks:
Adorable to the 900th degree
And, we’ve put down roots:
The rock that almost broke 3 backs, 5 drill bits and a tractor